“As an adult, I have ebbs and flows of whether I want to be liked.”
Author’s Note: If you want to support me, please read my entire story. Scrolling down to the bottom would be incredibly helpful. Thank you.
Prompt: How much do you care what other people think of you and why? Is it only certain people or all people? How do you feel when someone simply doesn’t like you?
I’ve been thinking about this prompt since Ruby Noir 😈tagged me, and my first answer was impulsive. Which was “hell no.” After I answered, another voice screamed that I was lying. This minor conflict made it difficult to write. When facing hard truths, I become avoidant.
Although I want authenticity, I don’t trust my readers sometimes. I don’t trust that they will read my work with an open mind. A lot of my pieces on Medium are politically correct. I’m one of those people who doesn’t want to offend or create a stir behind my words. I’m a people pleaser, and I hate that aspect of myself.
The voice that called me a liar is the one that yells, “Man, the f*ck up.” If you’re new to my writing for clarity, I’m not a man. I am an overly sensitive ass woman who becomes detached from reality sometimes.
Half of me wants to believe in the rainbows and unicorns, and the other half sees a headless horseman stirring things up these last few months I’ve been in a sad and vulnerable state. I’ve felt comfortable writing my vulnerabilities on my Substack, not Medium.
Medium feels like a mean girls' club, Sometimes, everyone is an “expert” in something, and they will tell you when you’re wrong instead of listening or reading about someone else’s perception and experience. Sometimes this site doesn’t feel safe. It may be the empathetic side of me where I become compassionate, but it’s happening.
If you’ve made it this far, you will notice how I avoided the prompt; this is how my mind works in real time.
I intend to put my best foot forward when meeting new people. Do I care what people think? I do, and I always have, no matter how eloquently I write it or how many Instagram posts with quotes about not watching what I do.